Gentle Potty Training: 10 Things that Parents Can Do Now to Get Started

Dec 27, 20233 min read

Updated: Nov 15, 2024

As a parent coach, I get parents coming to me in all stages of the potty training process. I get the parents who tried the 3-day method and had some success for a week, but now are in a power struggle their child. I get the parents who have a 2-year-old and want more information on how to get started. I also have the parents whose 3-year-old won't sit to try to go pee. No matter where you are in the process, these 10 gentle potty training strategies can help you get started in your potty training journey.

Praise every step in the potty training process no matter how small it may seem. If they sit down on the toilet, praise them; if they practice wiping, but can’t do it right still give them a high-five. We want to encourage them along the way so they can feel proud and keep trying.
Have them involved in the process, including choosing their potty and potty training accessories. Ask their opinion, get their feedback, and even let them buy it with your credit card (with assistance of course). You want to get their buy-in. The more they are involved in the process, the more they will be likely to go. So go ahead and buy them those Bluey underwear, or that Elmo training potty.
Normalize accidents when they happen and don’t draw too much attention to them. When accidents happen, check in with your body: are you feeling anxious, tense, or angry, or are you relaxed and calm? Remember this saying: “Accidents happen, that’s how we learn” and use this script anytime an accident happens.
Buy books and watch videos on using the potty (see my resource list below).
Teach your child to listen to their bodies and praise them for doing so. Interoception is the ability to sense and respond to your bodily sensations, including when you have to go pee or poop. Sometimes kids with ADHD, or Autism Spectrum Disorder struggle with this skill due to hyperfocusing on a task, or activity. Read Kelly’s Mahler’s article on interoception to learn more about this topic.
Listen to a podcast on gentle potty training by Toddler’s Made Easy (link here). I prefer gentle potty training over the 3-day method because you are gradually teaching a skill over time as opposed to taking a crash course in it. Think of it like learning a new language. Would you rather learn a language, like Italian, over a year, practice it with different people and places, or would you rather take a 3-day crash course in it? Yes, you can potentially pass the test in both situations, but which one would you feel more comfortable going to Italy with. This holds true for potty training as well.
Use gentle encouragement to use the potty, but follow their lead. Sometimes kids are ready at 2-years-old and some others take longer to start the process. Offer the option to go and encourage them to try, but be mindful to avoid the power struggle. Once you’re in a power struggle, it’s hard to move forward. Kids have very little control over many things in their lives, but can control three things: what they eat, when they sleep, and when they go pee or poop.
Use positive language about going to the potty. Refrain from saying “yucky” or “gross” about poops, and try using “cool,” or “nice.” What if you did a poop and someone said: “Oh my gosh, how cool!” Wouldn’t that encourage you to go again?
Consider their unique temperament when potty training. Some child temperaments that that may struggle include those who are anxious, sensory-sensitive, persistent, intense, slow-to-warm up, and some gifted children. Please book a parent coaching session for additional support with gentle potty training for these temperaments.
Resolve any medical conditions that may make potty training challenging. I find that some of the kids that struggle with potty training have a history of constipation, UTIs, or potential food sensitivities that may impact their bowel movements. Please consult with your pediatrician if your child suffers from these conditions.